We talk a lot about the importance of helping neurodivergent children, young people and adults regulate. In moments of distress, our instinct is often to act quickly. To fix. To stop the escalation. To restore calm. But sometimes, in our rush to help, we can unintentionally push harder at the very thing that’s already too much.
This is where the “Pause. Pivot. Protect.” model comes in - a way to respond to dysregulation (ours and theirs) with compassion and understanding instead of control. I’ve created this resource as a simple, kind and empathetic prompt for anyone supporting neurodivergent children, young people or adults.
🔴 1. PAUSE: What can wait right now?
The first response to rising dysregulation is often the most important and the hardest. Pause. Breathe. Step back, not in.
Pausing means easing off the pressure. Whether it's a demand, a conversation, a sensory input or your own need for resolution.. what can be paused in this moment? When someone is spiralling, pausing gives their nervous system time to catch up. And crucially, it stops us from escalating the situation by piling on more.
This step asks:
Can this wait until regulation is restored?
Is this an emergency or does it just feel urgent?
Am I reacting from calm or from fear?
Pausing is recognising that connection can’t happen in survival mode.
🔁 2. PIVOT: What could help this go differently?
If something isn’t working, pivot. Sometimes, adults double down on what they expected to work: repeating instructions, raising voices or sticking to the script out of fear of giving mixed messages.
Pivoting is responsive. It means adjusting the environment, the communication style or the emotional tone. It might mean using fewer words, stepping outside, switching from verbal to visual cues or offering choices that restore autonomy. It could be moving into a different room or sitting on the floor instead of standing over someone for instance.
Questions to ask in the Pivot phase:
What might feel safer or softer right now?
Can I switch from demand to invitation?
Am I bringing more intensity or more calm?
When we pivot, we show we are attuned. And that builds trust and a sense of safety.
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🛡️ 3. PROTECT: What needs shielding right now?
In moments of dysregulation, the goal is protection. That doesn’t mean isolating someone, punishing them or rushing them out of the room.
It means asking:
What can I do to buffer this distress and reduce harm emotionally, physically and sensory-wise?
That might look like dimming the lights, reducing verbal input, clearing the room or wrapping the person in a blanket if that helps them feel secure. It might mean calmly holding space, saying less and shielding them from shame and unwanted attention.
Protection is not about control. It’s about co-regulation. It’s about helping someone feel safe enough to come back into their body and into connection when they’re ready.
“Pause. Pivot. Protect.” offers a human-centred alternative as a tool for understanding and responding in ways that respect the nervous systems, autonomy and need for safety.
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