Bluntness as relational clarity

and how to not take it personally

I've lost count of the times I’ve gotten into trouble for being honest. For saying what I meant without dressing it up in layers of politeness or emotional buffering.

I’ve been told I was rude when I was being factual.

I’ve been called difficult for asking a direct question.

I’ve watched relationships slowly unravel because someone mistook my clarity for coldness or confrontation. Urgh..

Contrary to popular belief, I’m not a fan of confrontation even though I won’t shy away from it if needed.

Bluntness seems to make people uncomfortable. It removes the usual social padding. It doesn’t offer pleasantries or vague phrasing. It doesn’t leave room to pretend. And when there’s no performance, people often feel exposed, right?

---

Since I’m a massive fan of reframing, how about we look at bluntness as relational clarity?

When I say something directly, it’s because I care enough not to waste your time. I’m not playing games. I’m not leaving you to guess how I feel or what I mean. I’m showing up honestly which, to me, is a sign of respect.

That directness creates a clear line between us. You know where you stand. You know what’s expected. You don’t have to decode anything. That kind of communication can feel like safety but only if you’re willing to see it that way.

SENDwise Hub is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

The real problem is that, over time, you start questioning yourself. You wonder if you are the problem. You replay conversations in your head. You try to figure out what exactly you did wrong when all you did was speak plainly.

It’s exhausting.

And it’s even more disorienting when people claim to value authenticity, then reject it the moment it shows up in a form they didn’t expect. I’ve come to realise that a lot of people say they want honesty until they’re on the receiving end of it. Go figure..

If you’re neurodivergent, there’s no space for your natural communication style to just exist most of the time. There’s pressure to translate yourself constantly. To reword, reframe, soften, second-guess, repeat.. All of that takes effort. And all of it slowly chips away at your sense of safety in conversations.

---

People often mistake clarity for aggression.

The idea that kindness and honesty are incompatible is a cultural myth. Neurodivergent communication is deeply kind; it just doesn’t always follow the expected script. It doesn’t flatter. It doesn’t perform. It values trust over tact. Function over form. Integrity over impression.

For me, communication is functional. It’s real. It’s how I build trust. It’s how I manage expectations. It’s how I say, “I care enough to be clear with you.”

What really rubs me the wrong way is being asked to prioritise other people’s comfort over my own comprehension. I have no time for it, literally and figuratively.

So.. if you’re someone who communicates this way: direct, clear, unfiltered, you’re not doing anything wrong. And you’re not lacking social skills.

You’re speaking a language that values truth over pretence.

And the world doesn’t always know what to do with that.

Not everyone communicates the same way and that’s ok. It’s a difference which only becomes a problem when it’s misunderstood or pathologised.

For many neurodivergent people, communication is direct, efficient and functional. It’s grounded in truth not performance and it aims to be clear.

If you're used to social codes that revolve around suggestion, tone, body language or unspoken expectations, bluntness might feel jarring at first. But it's not a personal attack.

It’s a different communication framework, one that deserves the same respect as any other.

---

So how do you receive bluntness without taking it personally?

1. Separate tone from intention.

Just because something is said plainly doesn’t mean it’s said harshly.

Direct speech may sound abrupt if you’re used to softened phrasing, but it carries no malice. In fact, neurodivergent people often default to directness because it feels honest and respectful.

Ask yourself: Is the person being unkind or just clear?

2. Drop the need for sugar-coating.

If your ability to accept feedback or engage in dialogue depends on it being nicely phrased, you may unintentionally be demanding emotional labour from someone who already communicated in the clearest way they know how.

3. Understand that bluntness is trust.

Bluntness can be an invitation into someone’s inner world. It can be a sign that they trust you enough to skip the pretence. That they believe you’re capable of hearing the truth. That they respect you enough not to waste your time.

4. Stop assuming it’s about you.

Neurodivergent communication tends to prioritise facts, logic and direct feedback. That can sometimes sound personal, but it isn’t. It’s not a dig at your character. It’s not a power play. It’s just information.

You don’t need to defend yourself against someone stating a need, preference or observation.

5. Recognise the effort behind the words.

Many neurodivergent people have spent years masking their natural communication. It’s tiring. When someone chooses to speak plainly, they’re trying to conserve energy or protect their own regulation.

Respect the effort that isn’t visible to you.

6. Ditch the double standard.

Some forms of bluntness are accepted, especially from people in positions of authority. But when it comes from someone neurodivergent, someone who challenges social norms, it’s seen as rude or unprofessional.

Surely this is a bias issue?

7. If you don’t understand something, ask.

A direct communicator will usually welcome clarification questions. If you're unsure about their tone, meaning or intent, ask. Don't automatically assume hostility.. they’ll appreciate the effort to get it right.

8. Reflect on your own discomfort.

If bluntness bothers you, pause and ask: What exactly feels uncomfortable here?

Is it the wording? The lack of emotional cushioning? The fact that you were asked to face something directly?

Discomfort is sometimes a sign that you're used to a different norm not that the other person is doing something wrong.

---

The point is that if you can learn to hear the message behind the bluntness, you’ll open the door to more authentic, efficient and mutual communication, especially with the people who need it most.

---

⭐ Be part of The Unasked Collection and read the first exclusive article written by Helen Edgar, including original artwork by Betsy Selvam. Next exclusive article will be published on the 15th of August.

⭐ If you’re looking for digital and affordable resources, you can browse them here.

⭐ If you wish to support the neurodivergent community, come for a browse here.

⭐ If you’re on any social media, come join me on Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn